Hunters of Artemis: The Name Paradox
by Polly Little
Summary: One shall be lost in the land without rain. Lost, not killed. So where was Bianca? And what happened to keep her away from Nico? Something drastic, that's for sure. Does it have anything to do with a pixie she-devil? Set during PJO3 and AF6. Considering a rewrite.
1. Prologue

"Ugh, that was horrible," Holly said.

"Tell me about it ,"Artemis agreed.

Suddenly, the rift opened behind them and spat out another person like a cherry pit.

" Bianca?" gasped Holly.


	2. Whats wrong with calling you defective?

**Whats wrong with calling you defective?**

Everybody's on the same page

No new chapters

We'll never change

Everybody wants to be cool, yes they do...

And I'm just like them

But I won't be no fool

I guess I could waste all my time and my money, just trying to look right

But it doesn't change who I am in my heart if I look like a dime

So I want you to close your eyes

Sing to the world tonight

And show them what's beautiful

I don't care what they think

No, I'm not listening

'Cause I know I'm beautiful

So close your eyes

(Sh-sh-show them what's beautiful sh-sh-show them what's beautiful)

Come and show them... Uh... Hey...

(Sh-sh-show them what's beautiful

Sh-sh-show them what's beautiful)

Everybody's born to be different

That's the one thing that makes us the same

So don't you let their words try to change you

Don't let them make you, into something you ain't... No!

So I want you to close your eyes

Sing to the world tonight

And show them what's beautiful

I don't care what they think

No, I'm not listening

'Cause I know I'm beautiful

So close your eyes

(Sh-sh-show them what's beautiful)

Show the world the you inside

Raise your voice and close your eyes

'Cause you're beautiful...

Come on and show the world the you inside

Raise your voice and close your eyes

'Cause you're beautiful...

So I want you to close your eyes

Sing to the world tonight

And show them what's beautiful

I don't care what they think

No, I'm not listening

'Cause I know I'm beautiful

So close your eyes

"That way," Zoë said, pointing. "That is west."

So obviously, Percy had to question _the lieutenant of Artemis_ over her tracking skills. "How can you tell?"

Rolling her eyes, Zoë explained the first thing Phoebe had taught me about directions. Why didn't Jackson know that? Surely demigods needed to know how to find their way by the stars, after all, I definitely remember hearing about quests, and actually _knowing_ where we're going is a good thing, right? I'll have to give Nics some lessons when I get back, it would be just his style to end up in another state while going to McDonald's.

Grover's voice broke into my thoughts. "Guys, look!"

We'd reached the crest of a junk mountain (and that is why I made you clean your room, Nico). For some reason it was all metal - shattered bronze horses; metal legs from human (I'm guessing, although one of the naids at Camp Half Blood looked exactly like that one _right_ in the corner) statues; smashed chariots, maces, daggers, a sword the size of me! An incredibly intricate bow with vines and stuff growing out of it, that my friend Katie Gardner from Camp would love and other weapons; a gigantic pile of Bentleys, a washing machine and some other stuff that looked quite high-tech, but the others all seemed to think was normal, so must have been invented some time between the mid-1930's and - what year was it? 2028, I think.

"Whoa," I said, shocked. "That stuff...some of it looks like real gold."

"It is," Thalia replied grimly. "Like Percy said, don't touch anything. This is the junkyard of the gods."

"Junk?!" Said Grover incredulously, while brandishing a beautiful crown made of gold silver and jewels. It looked fit for a goddess, but was broken on one side as if someone had come at it with an axe. I shuddered to think what to think what happened to the unlucky person wearing it at the time.

"You call this junk?"

I had to say, I agreed with Grover. Surely it wouldn't be too hard for a smith like Hephaestus to fix that?

He bit off a point and began to chew. "It's delicious!"

I face palmed. It looked like Grover and I weren't on the same page after all. Oh well, to quote Meghan Trainor (my absolute favourite singer), "everybody's on the same page, no new chapters." and that work mean NO BOOKS, otherwise known as The Apocalypse.

Trying to find something to look at other than Grover _eating_ that beautiful crown, my eyes landed on...

"Look! A Hunter's bow!"

In my head, though, that was interspersed with _quite_ a few ouches, grunts, wheezes and other expressions of pain, so it came out more like "Oof! Look! Ouch, that wire's sharp, A Hunter's - meep! Bow!"

It glowed silver in the moonlight, and just holding it made me feel more energetic - suddenly, the bow began to shrink, until it became a hair clip shaped like a crescent moon. It reminded a of something ... Oh yeah!

"It's just like Percy's sword!"

"Leave it, Bianca." Zoë's face was actually quite scary, but there was also something else - was Zoë Nightshade, Lieutenant of Artemis, nervous?"

I decided to try, anyway. If I had that bow, my pack could be so much lighter. 'But - "

Rudely, she cut me off. "It is here for a reason. Anything thrown away in this junkyard must stay in this yard. It is defective. Or cursed."

I could see her point, however annoying it was not getting the bow. It was alright for her, she had been a Hunter for ages, judging from the language she uses. I did put it down though, I'm not _completely_ stupid.

Behind me, Zoë and Grover, Percy and Thalia seemed to be having a conversation about, and I quote, "Killer Refrigerators". Scary! Can you imagine if we had one of them?

Titans and co. We have an army.

Us: We have a Killer Refrigerator!

Nico made me watch that film about a million times over while we were in the Lotus. I'm probably never going to get that quote (or parodies of the same) out of my head.

"Wow, look at this!" Again, Grover interrupted my thinking with yet another amazing discovery.

It was a metal tree, with what seemed to be metal birds in the branches.

"I wonder..." Thalia said, and went to throw a bird into the air.

"Sto-"

"It's fine, kelp head, I've seen these before - or similar, anyway."

She threw it again, and without interruptions, the bird soared into the air with a chorus of twitters.

"Are those" Grover said, sharing a glance with Percy.

"Stymphalian birds?!" Percy said. They both looked ready to run, and Percy had one nervous hand in his pocket - probably holding his sword/pen (whatever you called a thing that was both a sword and a pen while it was in pen form), Riptide.

"Yes," said Zoë instantly.

"No," said Thalia at exactly the same time.

They stared at each other for what felt like forever. Finally, _"Maybe?"_ they both said hesitantly.

"Jinx!" Thalia said. "You owe me a soda!"

"A what?"

"A soda. A fizzy drink. Ring a bell? OK, so you are how old, and you do _not_ know what a fizzy drink is? You know what, just forget it. It would be quicker to get my own drink than explain it to you."

"Anyway, if thou dost not mind, Thalia, I shall explain, as I was actually there for the event, and _not distracted by soda,_ like thee!"

"Well, it happened just after I joined the Hunters, so long before any of ye were born. Ares was frustrated because all of the other Gods had weapons - Zeus had the Masterbolt, Hades had the Helm of Darkness, Poseidon had his Trident, Apollo had a horrible singing voice - even Aphrodite had Charmspeak, and she is the goddess of Love! When Zeus mentioned Ares' electric spear, Ares explained that as the god of War, he thought that he should have "at least double the amount of cool stuff" as the other Gods. _Eventually_ Zeus agreed to commission a weapon for Ares, providing it was made to the specifications of both himself and Ares. These are the prototypes of the Stymphalian Birds, and will not harm thee, as when Hephaestus was working, he obviously wouldn't want to be attacked. "

"So basically they're _nice_ Stymphalian Birds?" Grover asked.

"Aye."

"Well, why didn't you just say so, rather than an ancient history lesson?"

"Zoë can't help being long-winded Perce."

Wandering off to escape their _constant_ bickering, "Ow!" I stubbed my toe on something.

Picking up the offending object, I wondered what was so familiar about it. Then I remembered - Nico's Mythomagic set! He didn't seem to have this one, so he'd be delighted, and it definitely said "Mythomagic™" on the bottom of the figure. I could take it back to Camp with me and surprise him! Ha, he'd never see it coming, after all, not many people come back from Quests with presents! Well, monster heads maybe, but not Mythomagic figures.

But...if one of the others saw it, they'd definitely stop me from taking it, even though there really wasn't anything wrong with it.

Decision made, I quickly stuffed it into a pocket of my parka.

"Are you alright, Bianca?"

"Wha - oh, err, fine! I just, ah, stubbed my toe on, err, what _is_ that? "

Casting desperately around for an excuse, my eyes had conveniently alighted on the most obvious answer. Right in front of me was a hill much bigger and longer than the others. It was like a metal mesa, the length of a football field and as tall as goalposts. At one end of the mesa was a row of ten thick metal columns, wedged tightly together. Now where had I seen that before? Then I remembered.

"They look like - "

"Toes," Grover said.

Nodding, I replied. "Really, really large toes." Wierd, was he reading my mind? Hang on, that couldn't be possible - he already had an Empathy Link with Percy.

"Let's go around," Thalia said. " _Far_ around."

Good idea, I mentally applauded. Let's stay as far away from the big scary feet as possible.

But no, Percy Jackson had other ideas. "But the road is right over there," he protested. "Quicker to climb over."

I could see his point, after all, we'd been walking

Gila Claw, after all,and I hadn't finished my taco.

 _Ping._

I frantically rifled through my pack for something that I could use as a weapon. Why is it that it's all sunshine and rainbows next to the pile of swords, and you're about to be crushed by a giant metal foot next to the dog toys.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Thalia hefting her spear, and Zoë drawing her bow, but it had only been Grover. He had thrown a piece of scrap metal at the toes and hit one, making a deep echo, as if the column were hollow.

"Why did you do that?" Zoë demanded.

Grover cringed. "I don't know. I, uh, don't like fake feet?"

Hypocrite. I'm pretty sure that he didn't have hooves the first time I met him.

"Come on. _Around."_ Thalia was really glaring at Percy when she said that.

))))))))))))))))))()((((((((((((((((((((((

Eventually we arrived at the highway, an abandoned but well-lit stretch of black tarmac.

"We made it out," Zoë said. "Thank the Gods."

But just as Zoë said that, we heard a sound like a thousand trash compactors crushing metal. Behind us, the scrap mountain was boiling, rising up like lava. The ten toes tilted over through the avalanche of rubbish and, my eyes carrying along the length of the "feet" they were attached to, I realised why they looked like toes. They _were_ toes. A bronze giant in full Greek battle armour rose up from the rubbish like a phoenix from the ashes. He was impossibly tall - a skyscraper with legs and arms. He gleamed in the moonlight like the Aphrodite Cabin walls - that is to say, like a mirror. But then he looked down at us and spoiled the effect.

His face had clearly bore the brunt of a horrific catastrophe - the left side had been partially melted off. His joints creaked with rust, and across his armoured chest, written in the thick dust by some gigantic finger, were the words WASH ME.

"I don't think the Gods want to be thanked." I muttered, but noone heard me. Just as well, really, I'd probably jinx the situation.

"Talos!" Zoë gasped.

"Who...who's Talos?" Percy stuttered.

"One of Hephaestus' creations," Thalia explained. "But that _can't_ be the original, its too small. A prototype, maybe. A defective model."

Baby Talos didn't like being called _defective_.

He moved one hand to his sword belt and drew his weapon. The sound of it coming out of its sheaf was horrible, metal screeching against metal. The blade was easily over thirty metres long - _"thirty eight point nine five_ said a voice in my head, although I decided to ignore it, as now was not the time to be going insane - it looked rusty and dull, but that really wouldn't matter. Having that coming towards you would be like being run over by ten doubledecker, bendy buses.

"Someone took something," said Zoë. "Who took something?"

I immediately felt guilty. _Just stay calm,_ the voice in my head whispered, _they have no reason to suspect it was us. Why, it might have been one of the others, there is no reason for Baby Talos, as you call him, to be upset about a silly Mythomagic statue._

What was said next made me feel even worse.

"I'm a lot of things, but I'm no theif."

I felt all tiny and shriveled up inside. Was I a theif? _No,_ said the voice, _I highly doubt that that statue belonged to Hephaestus. Why would a god play Mythomagic?_ Well, I argued back, I did see a Disney movie where Hades was doing something similar. _Don't be silly,_ said the voice, _that was a weak argument and we both know it. The statue was probably dropped by some random demigod._

 _Boom._

The ground shook, breaking off my imaginary conversation. Talos was now twice as close as he had been before.

"Run!" Grover yelped.

We split up, like with the Nemean Lion. For some strange reason, I didn't quite think that Baby Talos would be defeated by spacefood.

Thalia drew her shield and held it up as she ran down the highway. Baby Talos swung his sword and destroyed a row of power lines, which exploded in sparks while scattering across Thalia's path.

I couldn't help it, I screamed. I couldn't bear the thought of Thalia being electrocuted, until I remembered she was a daughter of Zeus. Doh! But still, my heart was in my mouth until I saw her get away.

Zoë's arrows whistled towards Baby Talos' face but shattered harmlessly against the metal, which I'd worked out to be Celestial Bronze. Grover brayed like a baby goat and clambered up a mountain of metal - towards Baby Talos!

I was about to run and help him when a hand grabbed my wrist.

"You took something," Percy said. "That bow."

"N-no!" I stammered. Oh Gods, that didn't even convince me.

"Give it back!" He demanded. "Throw it down!"

"I..." I frantically tried to think of an answer. "I didn't take the _bow!"_ I didn't.I took the statue."Besides, its too late."

"What _did_ you take?"

Luckily, before I could answer, Baby Talos blocked out the sun.

"Move!" Percy yelled, pulling me down the hill.

Behind me, Grover was yelling at Baby Talos, but I was too busy arguing with the voice in my head.

This is all your fault! _My fault? I_ am _you._ You are not me. What you are is crazy for suggesting that! _I'm not the one talking to a voice in her head._ Actually, lots of people talk to imaginary friends to relieve stress. Although I don't see how this is relieving my stress, adding to it is more like it! _Yeah, you have an imaginary friend at age 102. And friend? Hardly..._

With a malevolent chuckle the voice faded away.

 **A/N: Soo, what do you think? Shout out to whoever guesses what the voice is, and I really want to know what you think. This chapter is a lot longer than the last one, because that one was to stop me falling over dead and having to get Nico or Bianca to rescue me. I mean, the trepidation was killing me! And I don't mean to diss Percy, just the Hunters and Demigods see stuff a little differently. Bianca does like him really, look what she does to save him! The song is Close Your Eyes by Meghan Trainor, and I think it's appropriate for Bianca, considering how she acts at the start of the series :-) . I love music, so if I find a song that works it goes at the top of the page. I also think Bianca would love her songs, as Meghan's style is similar to some songs that came out in the 1930s, and is absolutely amazing!**


	3. My rescue operation goes very wrong

**My rescue operation goes very wrong**

Angels watching over me with smiles upon their face

Coz I have made it through this far in an unforgiving place

It feels sometimes this hill's too steep for a girl like me to climb

But I must knuckle both right down; I'll do it in my own time

I don't care (care care)

I'm half way there (nowhere)

On a road that leads me to straight to who knows where

I tell you what (I tell you what)

What I have found (What I have found)

That I'm no fool (That I'm no fool)

I'm just upside down (Just upside down)

Ain't got no cares (Ain't got no cares)

I aint got no rules (Aint got no rules)

I think I like (I think I like)

Living upside down (Living upside down)

Watchin people scurry by rushing to and fro

Oh this world is such a crazy place it's all about the go go go

Sometimes life can taste so sweet When you slow it down

You start to see the world a little differently

When you turn it upside down

I don't care (care care)

I'm half way there (nowhere)

And I'm just soaking up the magic in the air

I tell you what (I tell you what)

What I have found (What I have found)

That I'm no fool (That I'm no fool)

I'm just upside down (Just upside down)

Ain't got no cares (Ain't got no cares)

I aint got no rules (Aint got no rules)

I think I like (I think I like)

Living upside down (Living upside down)

(Whoa Whoa Whoa)

You gotta slow it down

(Yeah Yeah Yeah)

But then you pick it up

(Whoa Yeah Whoa)

C'mon and try a little topsy-turvy back-to-front the right way round

Take it slow slow slow (You gotta pick it up)

Yeah Yeah Yeah (See you slow it down)

Yo Yo Yo (Tell me something something)

I tell you what (I tell you what)

What I have found (What I have found)

That I'm no fool (That I'm no fool)

I'm just upside down (Just upside down)

Ain't got no cares (Ain't got no cares)

I aint got no rules (Aint got no rules)

I think I like (I think I like)

Living upside down (Living upside down)

I tell you what (I tell you what)

What I have found (What I have found)

That I'm no fool (That I'm no fool)

I'm just upside down (Just upside down)

Ain't got no cares (Ain't got no cares)

I aint got no rules (Aint got no rules)

I think I like (I think I like)

Living upside down (Living upside down)

But before it melted away, the voice just couldn't resist one parting jab.

 _Why do you act like I'm the badguy? We both know that that's not true,_ thief. Th-that's not true! I'm a good person! It - it wasn't for me, it-it was for Nico!

"It...it was for Nico. It was the only statue he didn't have. " Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't want to believe what the voice was saying, but it wasn't like it was lying was it?

"How can you think of Mythomagic at a time like this?" Percy was demanding.

I forced myself to concentrate. Have an extremely nosy look at yourself _after_ you escape from the crazy robot, Bianca.

"Throw it down," he said. "Maybe the giant will leave us alone."

I could tell that he was trying to be reassuring, so I did as he aasked, but it was as futile as I'd expected.I mean, the baby was awake, and we couldn't put him to sleep just by giving him a toy.

"Nooooooooo!" I heard Thalia yell, accompanied by a growl of thunder, and the giant fell over. On the bad side, that meant something bad had happened.

"Crazy idea time?" Percy asked.

"Anything," I replied, which sounds a lot more confident than it actually was.

He explained it, and it was actually more crazy than I thought it would be, and I have a ten year old brother.

"It's my fault the monster came after us," I said."Its my responsibility. Here. If anything happens, give that to Nico. Tell him..." I racked my brains trying to condense what I wanted to say into an easily rememberable format. "Tell him I'm sorry."

Without waiting to hear what he said next, I charged at Baby Talos' left foot.

I was right next to the giant, but I couldn't keep my balance. I felt like I was on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean, and Poseidon really hated me.

"What are you doing?" Zoë yelled.

"Get it to raise its foot!"

Zoë shot an arrow at Baby Talos and it flew straight up his left nostril. He straightened up and shook his head, trying to get rid of the annoying piece of metal.

"Hey, Junk Boy!" Percy yelled. "Down here!"

Percy ran up to him and stabbed Riptide into his big toe. Baby Talos looked down and raised his foot to crush Percy.

Now was my chance!

I sprinted forward, pushing Percy out of the way, and dived into the maintenance hatch. Inside, it was dark and echoey, and I could vaguely see a spiral staircase, stretching all the way up through the leg, groin, chest and neck. I sighed. This was going to be a long climb, and in the dark too.

I stepped forward, and a light flickered on. Then another, then another. Around me on the walls I could see an intricate mosaic, telling the story of the First Giant War. I smiled. Maybe it wouldn't take so long after all.

))))))))))))))))))()((((((((((((((((((((((

I arrived at the top of the stairs, painting. Outside I could hear clangs, and Percy saying something about a refrigerator. Maybe they were attacking Baby Talos with a Killer Refrigerator!

Then I frowned. I was inside Baby Talos!

I looked around. The head of Baby Talos was about the same size as an average conservatory, and the walls were covered in monitors, showing the junkyard outside, Cabin 9, another room filed with more monitors, computers, dismantled techy stuff with was that a centaur operating them (if that was a centaur, why was he wearing a tinfoil hat?), what looked like the inside of a volcano, and quite a few workshops and laboratorys.

In one of the walls there was a door, but I couldn't work out why, as there was no sensible position Baby Talos could be in for someone to use it.

I shrugged, ignoring the door for now and headed towards the chair in the centre of the room.

On the seat of the chair were a pair of leather gloves, a pair of boots and a headband with blinking blue lights.

I grinned. Percy would love that!

 _Focus girl!_ Oh, its you again! How many times do I have to say this? Get out of my head! _It's my head too you know._ I couldn't care less right now, can't we have this conversation another time?

No reply, which obviously meant the voice was being nice for once.

Right, onto business! I quickly put them on, as I had seen a robot operated in a similar way in a TV program.

Suddenly, I wasn't just _in_ Baby Talos, I _was_ Baby Talos!

I looked around. I had my sword raised to smash Grover, and he wasn't moving. I froze. Now, what could I do that wouldn't hurt anyone?

Hmmm...

The idea popped into my head like I'd always known it. I shook off the glove, and grabbed my MP3 player, putting on the first energetic song that came up, then replacing it in my pocket. Sadly, my favourite songs are all quite slow, so that took longer than I thought.

 _You change your mind_

 _Like a girl changes clothes._

The cool thing was, Baby Talos had speakers installed all over his head, so the room was filled with an angry Katy Perry.

 _Yeah, you, PMS_

 _Like a ..._

 _I would know_

I grabbed my head and a leg and started to do the Funky Chicken - anything to keep as many body parts as possible off of the ground!

 _And you over think_

 _Always speak_

 _Cryptically_

 _I should know_

 _That you're no good for me_

 _'Cause you're hot then you're cold_

The problem was, I couldn't stay in this position forever, and I'm the world's leading clutz. Even with a Hunter's training, I still wouldn't be able to do the Funky Chicken for longer than two minutes, and I'd start to stagger after one.

 _You're yes then you're no_

 _You're in then you're out_

 _You're up then you're down_

 _You're wrong when it's right_

 _It's black and it's white_

 _We fight, we break up_

 _We kiss, we make up_

 _(You) You don't really wanna stay, no_

 _(You) But you don't really wanna go-o_

I began to punch myself in the face in time to the beat.

 _You're hot then you're cold_

 _You're yes then you're no_

 _You're in then you're out_

"Go Bianca!" I heard Percy yell. That made me grin - even if he thought I was an idiot, there were no hard feelings.

 _You're up then you're down_

 _We used to be_

 _Just like twins_

Baby Talos began to stagger about. I was sure that I wasn't going to make it, and glad I'd given Percy Nico's present.

 _So in sync_

 _The same energy_

Energy was about right - when Baby Talos blew up, there'd be enough energy to power Cabin 9 for a month, and they use enough for a small town. There was no way I could get out of this one.

 _Now's a dead battery_

Then it hit me.

 _Used to laugh 'bout nothing_

 _Now you're plain boring_

The door I mean, not an idea.

 _I should know that_

 _You're not gonna change_

It didn't hit hard enough to do any permanent damage, or even knock me out.

 _'Cause you're hot then you're cold_

 _You're yes then you're no_

After I pushed it off of my face, I made a discovery.

 _You're in then you're out_

 _You're up then you're down_

Behind the door into nowhere was...

 _You're wrong when it's right_

Nothing.

 _It's black and it's white_

I mean, literally nothing, where there should have been another curved metal wall was a splurgy mess, like cold scrambled egg.

 _We fight, we break up_

For some strange reason, nothing was blue.

 _We kiss, we make up_

 _(You) You don't really wanna stay, no_

 _(You) But you don't really wanna go-o_

 _ **Self destruct will start in 10**_

This was accompanied by a beeping noise, so it sounded like 10beep

 _You're hot then you're cold_

 _ **9 beep**_

 _You're yes then you're no_

 _ **8 beep**_

 _You're in then you're out_

 _ **7 beep**_

The nothing began to pulse.

 _You're up then you're down_

 _Someone call the doctor_

With a woosh, all loose items were sucked into n nothing. I fervently hoped that Katy's last line wouldn't be necessary.

 _Got a case of a love bipolar_

 _ **6 beep**_

 _Stuck on a roller coaster_

 _ **5 beep**_

 _And I can't get off this ride_

We're in the same boat then Katy. If I stayed here, I'd either blow up or be electrocuted. If I let go of the chair I was clinging to, I'd be sucked into scrambled egg and who knew what could happen?

 _You change your mind_

 _ **Leave now if you aren't suicidal!**_ said the recording.

 _Like a girl changes clothes_

 _'Cause you're hot then you're cold_

Better make up my mind quickly.

 _You're yes then you're no_

 _ **4 beep**_

 _You're in then you're out_

I let go.

 _You're up then you're down_

 _ **3 beep**_

 _You're wrong when it's right_

My last thought as I entered the void was, "What a strangely appropriate song!"

 _It's black and it's white_

 _We fight, we break up_

 _We kiss, we make up..._

 **Thanks to my little brother, Busterrocks and ajsammy8 for reviewing. I swear I chose Hot n Cold at random, I have a love of slow songs so it was the first one down! Apollo/Fred is at work...**

 **I used to love that song when I was about 6, the radio edit obviously. The song at the start was Upside Down, using the lyrics from the Barnardo's Concert, because I know them off by heart.**

 **Virtual blue cookies to those who got the Gravity Falls reference. She was talking about Lil' Gideon's giant robot, which she would definitely have heard of. That's always been how I'd operate Baby Talos, ever since I read His Dark Materials with the Intention Craft, but the Lotus only supplies electronics so Bianca and Nico were deprived. )c: At least they got GF!**

 **I have a sneaking suspicion that I've been forgetting to do disclaimers, so here goes:**

 **Eoin Colfer owns Arty and co. (Signs you are obsessed with Artemis Fowl: You call him Arty in your head and out loud)**

 **Rick Riordan owns Percy Jackson**

 **Meghan Trainor owns Close Your Eyes**

 **Marvel owns the Avengers (Gaea: we have an army. Demigods: we have a Hedge.)**

 **Barnardo's owns that version of Upside Down**

 **Alex Hirsch owns Gravity Falls**

 **Katy Perry owns Hot N Cold**


	4. Dude, your beard is on fire!

**Dude, your beard is on fire!**

I've got my ticket for the long way 'round

Two bottle whiskey for the way

And I sure would like some sweet company

Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow. What do you say?

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me by my hair

You're gonna miss me everywhere,

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I've got my ticket for the long way 'round

The one with the prettiest view

It's got mountains, it's got rivers

It's got woods that give you shivers

But it sure would be prettier with you

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me by my walk

You'll miss me by my talk

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I've got my ticket for the long way 'round

These feet weren't built to stay too long

And I'll go there on my own

But you'll miss me when you're home

It's for you, dear, that I sing this song

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

When I'm gone (when I'm gone)

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me by my hair

You're gonna miss me everywhere

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

When I'm gone

When I'm gone

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me by my walk

You'll miss me by my talk

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

When I came to, I was in one the rooms that I had seen on the monitors. Unfortunately, it was the volcano. Fortunately, it wasn't currently erupting. Unfortunately, the six foot six man in front of me, with humungous muscles was.

"What do you think you're doing?!" He bellowed. "Do you have any idea just _how long_ it took to build that? Well? Do you?"

"Unhhh," I groaned in reply, very eloquently I must say.

"Oh, are you injured?" The giant asked. He began to twiddle his thunbs, and, was he _blushing? "'_ Dite says that I have no tact, I should have realised."

He offered a hand out to help me up.

"So, you're Hades kid eh?"

"What!"

"D'oh! Still, its not like its a secret, turning skeletons to ashes? It was either me, Aunt Hestia, or Uncle Hades, Hestia's a maiden godess and I'dve remembered having one child, let alone two!

Anyway, why are you here?"

I considered my answer very carefully. To me, there was no sane way to say "I got inside a giant robot, destroyed it, and fell through a pile of blue scrambled egg. "

In the end I just said that.

"The scrambled egg would be a fungus that grows in between the chunks of time, and as such it can be manipulated by frequencies of sonic and ultra sound levels. It normally is a peachy colour though, I'll have to run some tests. By the way, how did you destroy The Guardian? "

He had an expression like a toddler on Christmas day.

"I danced to Katy Perry then punched myself in the face."

"'Dite will be pleased, she kept saying she'd achieve great things, and now her music has accomplished in one song what Ares and Hermes working together (or at least smashing at the same time) took a day!"

He laughed, a sound like those great big drums used in classical music. I grinned. It was quite funny, and he was so enthusiastic! The. I noticed something.

"Uh, sir, your beard is on fire!"

"D'Arvit. I really can't afford another explosion, the android'll kill me!"

He pulled a cconcentrating face, and the fire died down.

"So,why are you here then, uh,what was your name? I forgot to ask."

"Bianca DiAngelo, daughter of" I thought. "Hades! And you were?"

"Hephaestus, god of metalworking, stone masonary, forges, the art of sculpture and of course fire." He winked. "I'm also the patron god of blacksmiths."

"That's a long list."

"Aye."

"Right, so I was here on a quest to help Artemis, I just recently joined the Hunters and apparently we're about to be in the middle of a war and it's to do with that."

"Stupid Opal, I feel guilty every time I hear about this. My daughter needs to rein it in a tad.

If you like I can send you straight to Artemis, I'm sure they'll be grateful for the help."

"Thanks so much sir, that would be amazing! "

"Dont mention it. It's partly my fault after all. Before I forget you're organic, take this. It'll replenish every time you close the lid,and it Mists into a backpack. Also, didn't you pick up a bow in the Junkyard? "

"How did you-"

"Security cameras. Sadly, The Guardian crushed it, so I'll be without sound til I fix it."

"Thank-"

"Uh uh uh, really its the least I can do. Now, hold on to the food, you're going to Dublin!"

Dublin? I wondered. But there wasn't any time to ask questions, as I was burning up as he spoke.

 **Thank you to BlueDragon32, you gave me a sugar rush when i saw that! Its down to her(I'm guessing) that this chapter is here. Otherwise you'd have to wait another day, because I need inspiration.**

 **Who can guess where Bianca's going? I think it's obvious, but I'm the author so it might not be. Who knows what's so bad about Opal (aside from the whole take over the world thing.)?**

 **I'm kind of basing Hephaestus on Orik, from Inheritance Cycle, as he would be getting on quite well in Tronjhiem.**

 **I realised while writing this that I forgot to acknowledge Simon Guerrier as the creator of the scrambled egg. It's from one of the best Doctor Who books called The Pirate Loop.**

 **Disclaimer time!**

 **Pitch Perfect own the cup song.**

 **Christopher Paolini owns the amazing Inheritance Cycle (if you haven't read this series do it immediately! The film was rubbish though. Not Sea of Monsters bad, but worse than Lightning Thief.).**

 **BBC owns Doctor Who.**

 **Rick Riordan owns Percy Jackson.**

 **Eoin Colfer owns Artemis Fowl.**

 **Katy Perry is not an Apollo kid, I just thought it would make sense.**


	5. Time And Relative Dimensions In Space

**Time And Relative Dimensions In Space**

In Dublin's fair city, where the girls are so pretty

I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone

As she wheeled her wheelbarrow through streets broad and narrow

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O!

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

She was a fishmonger and sure it was no wonder

For so were her father and mother before

And they both wheeled their barrows through streets broad and narrow

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O!

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

She died of a fever and no one could save her

And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone

But her ghost wheels her barrow through streets broad and narrow

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O!

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

A-live a-live O! A-live a-live O!

Crying cockles and mussels alive a-live O!

Burning from one place to another was a curious sensation, as it felt like a massage with a feather - sort of tickly and relaxing at the same time.

When I landed, I barely had time to notice the shocked faces of a centaur on a huge screen, a scaly humanoid thing in the middle of the room, a really tall -and I mean _really_ tall, he probably had Cyclops ancestry- man, and my own reflection on the screen.

That wasn't what scared me though. What scared me was the gigantic hole in the air, bright red and spinning, and I knew that somehow I'd end up in it.

Then my vocal cords caught up with me. I tried to ask for help, but the last thing I had tried to say came out instead.

"Dub-"

That was when the rift swallowed me.

))))))))))))))))))()((((((((((((((((((((((

Inside the hole, it was like being inside a river. A big and dirty river, like the Thames. I was going through a really gunky patch, and I felt afraid. I could smell something burning, and hear screaming, it felt like the end of the world.

I curled up into the foetal position, and concentrated on a happy memory. Breath in, breath out.

 _I was at home in LA, baking cookies in the kitchen with Mama._

Breath in, breath out.

 _Nico was running around, stealing the chocolate then hiding under the table._

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Here you go, you can lick the bowl out for being so patient." Mama said._

Breath in, breath out.

 _"What about meeeeeee?" Nico whined, having finished the chocolate chips._

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Nikky, you have cookie dough every where! You haven't even touched the bowl!"_

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Yes I did, look!"_

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Mama, he's stolen my cookie dough!"_

Breath in, breath out.

 _"No 'Yanca, I took it out first."_

Breath in, breath out.

 _Nico had put most of the cookie dough in a pile on the chair - the rest was in his hair, on his nose, there was even some in his ears!_

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Nikky, how did you get so messy?"_

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Not messy 'Yanca, I'm a monster!"_

Breath in, breath out.

 _He put the bowl on his head, growled, and chased me around the room, squealing._

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Ahhhhhh!" I crashed into something with a thud._

Breath in, breath out.

 _I looked up into a face that was struggling to hold back its laughter._

Breath in, breath out.

 _Older me was really confused now, what was Bing Crosby doing in our house?_

Breath in, breath out.

 _But younger me had no such qualms._

Breath in, breath out.

 _"Papa!"_

Breath in in in in in in in in in in...

))))))))))))))))))()((((((((((((((((((((((

I fell out of the rift, gasping for air. I was still curled up with my head between my knees, so I uncurled and looked around. I was in the same room as earlier, but something was wrong.

The furniture was in the same place, except for the screen, but that hadn't seemed to be permanent. It all looked newer, and... Bigger?

I looked down at my feet. They were wearing patent leather boots, of a design that I hadn't seen since the Lotus, and were on polished floor boards that gleamed, but looked gigantic. The last time I'd seen boots like that...

Was in the memory I was concentrating on in the river! Did that mean I was eight? I felt what I was wearing.

Yep, I was wearing the brown gingham skirt and white blouse I used to wear. I snuggled into my green velvety jacket. I used to love this jacket, and had worn it until it literally fell apart. Mama had made it with the same material as my floppy hat, which had been ripped by the manticore. I had been devastated when that happened, and kept it in my pocket instead of wearing it, as it hadn't been the same since. Unless...

I felt a smile creep across my face. I had my hat back!

I heard a voice from behind me.

"Bianca?!"

 **So we've finally caught up to the prologue! Yay! The second piece of good news is that my little brother agreed to Beta! Double Yay! He hasn't set his account up yet, but as soon as he does ill put a link. His first story will probably be a CHERUB/Percy Jackson crossover.**

 **Speaking of stories, please check out my other story, it is multi fandom, and if you read this story you will know at least two of them (I would say three, but apparently some people still don't know what Harry Potter is. I was incredibly shocked when I found out.).**

 **You know the bit with the Extinctionists? I have an idea for a really creepy rescue scene, involving Disney Princesses and Bianca's shadow powers (which she must have, because Hades is also god of the dark.).;-)**

 **Cockles and Mussels is an appropriate song, try and spot the foreshadowing! Anyone who guesses right gets a CC or OC in one of my stories- I want to see more Campers at RAMPANT!**


	6. A Long Time Ago in a Manor not that

**A long time ago in a manor not that far away**

You've got me so confused and there's words I could use

But I'm afraid to say them.

I feel I've been had and I'm boiling mad

Still can't live without you.

You don't have the time and you won't spend a dime

Not even to call me.

You don't know I exist and I wouldn't be missed

If I had the nerve to quit you.

Invisible - I feel like I'm invisible.

You treat me like I'm not really there

and you don't really care.

I know this romance

it ain't going nowhere.

Invisible - just like love.

You treat me like I'm invisible.

When you get the need to flirt you do your worst

You just don't care how much it hurts.

I can never reach you on the phone

it rings and rings

But I know you're home.

It may be naive but I just want to believe I'm the only one.

I tell myself lies and give you alibies

Knowing your promises you'll never keep

like the merry go round

I'm going up

I'm going down

I'm on a dead end street.

Invisible just like my love

I feel like I'm invisible.

You treat me like I'm not really there

and you don't really care.

I know this romance

it ain't going nowhere.

Although I know it's not a lot

don't want to lose whatever we got.

I keep hanging on knowing I can't win

'Cause it's too hard start over again.

Invisible - I feel like I'm invisible...

Invisible just like love.

Arty's POV (Artemis Fowl II)

The girl who fell through the rift looked suspiciously like Bianca Diaz, the only maid on the Fowl Estate other than Juliet (and my sort of girlfriend, according to Mulch and Foaly, but knowing them they were trying to embarrass us, although...). Strangely enough, I knew next to nothing about her life before, although I was certain that she was trustworthy, as Butler had hired her specifically - apparently she was an old friends daughter or some other such relative.

I concentrated on my memories of Bianca at the same age as the other girl; which I presumed was eight (although she had the dress sense of someone older). She had looked similar, although this girl was a lot thinner ( **A/n: Bianca would have had rationed food, as the two world wars were partially responsible for the great depression in America, and some countries were still on rations during the fifties.** ). They both had excellent taste in clothing, although I could remember Juliet despairing over how we (me and Bianca) dressed and acted like we were in the 1930s. They had the same brown eyes - like pools of molten chocolate - and this girl had the same dreamy half-smile, as if she knew a secret that noone else could understand.

"Bianca?" I asked. If she confirmed my suspicions, I'd _kill_ Foaly when I get home.

She span around incredibly fast, just how Holly did the night I kidnapped her. There was a tiny part of my brain yelling at me, something about being boorish and princesses, but I brushed it off. As Bianca said, "Go insane later Arty," and that was just what I planned to do. Not the going insane part obviously.

Quick as a flash, I felt something sharp at my throat. Then maybe-Bianca began to interrogate me.

"-lin? Why does he look like Bing Crosby? Aye, and thou art? Styx, I'm starting to sound like Zoë!"

"Unhhh-um-urrg." I replied (not by choice, may I mention, the _sharp_ knife at my throat was impeding my speech).

"Oh, right. That's what Phoebe said when we were practising, _that_ and "next time don't let the knife touch the prisoner's throat "."

She moved the knife back about five centimetres, and reiterated. "Yes, and you are?"

"Artemis Fowl II, and-"

"Nope, my questions first. _What_ are you?"

" _Excuse_ me?" I spluttered. I had known this girl since she was eight, why couldn't she remember who I was? More importantly, why was she pointing a knife at me?

Luckily, I could see Holly sneaking up to her. It wouldn't be long before she got the knife, and then maybe _I_ would receive some answers.

"What species are you?"

"I am completely human, thank you very much! Which you should know, after all, I a-"

"Nope, I don't know. That _is_ the point of questioning you, genius! Anyway, I know you aren't human, you can see me after all, and Zoë said mortals wouldn't.

Tell you what, closed questions only! I take it you know what that means? "

I went to nod, then caught myself. In the words of the great genius Beckett Fowl, "Knives are sharp! Like stones, and 'speriment beakers." That had caused me and Myles to go ballistic.

I could feel my anger growing. How dare Bianca, my best friend, do this to me!

"I'll take that as a yes. Are you, Artemis Fowl II," she giggled, "a vampire?"

"Wh-wh-what! That is preposterous! The idea of vampires existing is simply ludicrous, let alone me being one..."

"It was an easy mistake to make!" She growled. Noticing my confused expression, she continued, ticking the reasons off on her fingers as she listed them. "For example, you're tall, handsome, scarily pale, and you talk like you're my age. Ye Gods, I sound like an idiot! Back to the questions! Oh, and Tinkerbell, put the chair down, you aren't scaring anyone. Note to self: keep away from Aphrodite Cabin."

"Tinkerbell?!" Shouted an indignant Holly. "I'm nothing like that backstabbing pixie she-devil!"

Strange - that was the same description I had used when making the videos **(when his memory was wiped)**.

Wait - did Bianca just say she thought I was handsome? Scarily pale wasn't good though...

"So I'm guessing you aren't a pixie then?"

"Of course not! I'm an elf, and you know it!" Holly looked slightly like Root at the insult - red ears, eyebrows going haywire, and an aura of pure fury. I decided to step in before Holly had a heart attack.

"Holly, I don't think she does know. "

"But Bianca knows more about the People than you do, even with the mind-wipe. Foaly was commenting on how unusual her brain-patterns are, he says its to do with her memory and is probably asking her permission to run some tests as we - no, not as we speak. But you get the gist!"

"Excuse me, I am still here! Noone, and I mean _noone_ is messing around with my thoughts! I still haven't quite forgiven Father for that yet!"

"Holly, think about it. She honestly thought you were a pixie, and she went to the Root's service with us, which indicates that she either doesn't know or can't remember. She wanted to know what species I was, indicating she knows/remembers about another species, but not quite. To me, this sounds like a failed mind-wipe. "

"Not to mention she called you handsome," Holly muttered but I could tell she understood.

"Currently, I believe we can trust her, but we definitely need to take a further look at the situation."

Meanwhile, Bianca had sat down in the corner and was examining the contents of her backpack. So far, she had pulled out a hairclip, which was being worn, and a small bottle of ginger beer. She reached for the next item (a metallic red box embossed with rather abstract flame designs), opened it and

 _Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!_

Bianca immediately grabbed the object, thrust it into the bag, accompanied by the other items, and sat on it.

That was when the door came crashing in.

 **A/n: ok, so, apologies for leaving the story, I swear on my magic, the Styx and my Oath as a Rider that I won't abandon a story completely, just:**

 **I was ill.**

 **I had a music course.**

 **I got sidetracked by an Luna-Incedia14, who should try and publish after she changes the names.**

 **I was mucking around on the piano when an idea for a story popped into my head. I immediately began to sniffle, and I felt slightly guilty for hating Hera. I don't know if I'll put it up, but I will try because it felt like Hera deserves a chance, although she needs to lay of the cows with Annabeth. The song is called You Don't Bring Me Flowers, and if you listen to the words you'll guess the ending.**

 **When I did sit down to write I'd cut my thumb, so its hard to open up the app because of the plaster.**

 **This chapter was written under the influence of ice skating for the first half, and extreme guilt for the other. Also, ginger beer! It's not alcoholic, so I can force feed fictional characters it, and drink it myself. If you remember, the FF drink it and so do the SS. I think the Five-Find-Outers might too. But I might've lost the plot, soo... Yeah.**

 **Tomorrow I'm going on holiday till Friday, so no updates during that time but MAYBE a big one Saturday. Sorry, but really, a fanfic series I like I waited a month for an update, and the one I did get made me feel a bit ill, (not because it was bad, it was great but confusing.) so you're lucky in comparison. It was the king of serpents series, give that a go because the author writes Arty way better than me and if you've got this far my writing is tolerable at least but theirs is epic!**

 **I saw someone do this in another a/n, so I'm giving it a try. It means that I don't have to annoy my brother (the Beta).**

 **I'm currently reading a fanfic called Connected by Bitty Blue Eyes. It's really funny, as its about FredxHermione, and you can't have the Weasley twins without humour. Personally, I ship Romione, but reading this I kept thinking kiss already! It's about Hermione saving Fred's life after the battle, but there are sideaffects...**

 **With real books, I'm reading the third secret kingdom book, which is about the Red King from Charlie Bone. It's really interesting, and there's a nice sense of mystery.**

 **Me and my little brother are reading Magyk by Angie Sage and it is AMAZING! Should you read it? "" Yes," said the Boggart." We keep repeating that sentence, and for some reason it needs a Yosa voice so it is really annoying, so it might pop up in this to annoy Arty. Basically, a girl called Jenna Heap is told on her 10th birthday by the Extraordinary Wizard that she is a princess, and must come with her before her mother's killer gets her too. There is magic, dragons, some really awesome characters, and a dog. Who. Drools. A. Lot. In Marcia's hair, which she seems to be more bothered about than the psychopathic killer chasing them, but she clearly has her priorities in order! I laugh every time I read it, and I have probably done so about five times.**


	7. The Butler Did It

**The Butler did it**

I've been spinning now for time

Couple women by my side

I got sinning on my mind

Sipping on red wine

I've been sitting here for ages

Ripping out the pages

How'd I get so faded?

How'd I get so faded?

Oh, no, no, don't leave me alone lonely now

If you loved me how'd you never learn?

Oh, coloured crimson in my eyes

One or two could free my mind

This is how it ends.

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

Fading out again.

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

So tell me when it kicks in

Well, tell me when it kicks in

I've been looking for a lover

Thought I'd find her in a bottle

God, make me another one

I'll be feeling this tomorrow

Lord, forgive me for the things I've done

I was never meant to hurt no one

I saw scars upon a broken-hearted lover

Oh, no, no, don't leave me alone lonely now

If you loved me how'd you never learn?

Oh, coloured crimson in my eyes

One or two could free my mind

This is how it ends.

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

Fading out again.

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream

So tell me when it kicks in

Well, tell me when it kicks in

Well, tell me when it kicks in

[6x and then repeats in background:]

All the voices in my mind

Calling out across the line

[6x:]

Tell me when it kicks in

I saw scars upon her

Tell me when it kicks in

Broken hearted

That was when the door came crashing in, burying a large portion of the room in splinters of 17th century oak (the manor had had to be remodeled after Cromwell's men had razed the east wing about half the way to the ground. The head of the family at the time, Dominique de Fowle -the name not quite shifted yet- had not been pleased, and retaliated with a counterstrike that cannot be written here as the author is scared of Butler, who is glaring menacingly at her through the window. Suffice to say, it was a good plan).

The door was followed by one hundred pounds of Butler, who was growling in a manner reminiscent of Dr Thorn - although without the dodgy French accent.

"Holy Hephaestus!" Shrieked Bianca, then promptly began laughing hysterically.

I rotated my jaw - the loud noise had given me Eustacian Tube Dysfunction - and walked over to him. "Butler it's me, Artemis. I know that it's a lot to take in but-" that was when he hit me with the tranquilliser dart.

))))))))))))))))))()((((((((((((((((((((((

Bianca's POV

I slowly lifted my eyelids, ignoring the fact that they felt like lead weights.

"Wh-what happened?" I asked. "I remember burning up, then vampires, and fairies, and giants... Oh, my head!"

I sat up. There was a dull thonk when my head hit something shiny and hard, and my headache got even worse.

"Yep, she's awake."

"Right then," said the vampire, rubbing his hands together evily. "Our turn for question time..."

 **A/n: so, so sorry for not updating, I started school on the 9th, so homework!**

 **Last chapter I forgot the disclaimer, but I'm hoping you know by now that I didn't write/sing Invisible or Bloodstream, the book series go without saying. FANfiction. Clue's in the name!**

 **Right, whoever guesses what the meeting noise was can decide part of the story, no big details like Arty's a son of Athena (personally, that's not happening after all the times that Colfer pointed out how much she and Artemis Senior love each other) but they can affect the plot.**

 **Just as a warning, my phone broke down recently, and it was only fixed yesterday. There could be update issuse, but you should get something once a fortnight.**

 **WhoWho's seen The Princess Bride? It's really good, I just saw it last night and it's one of my new favourites. It can't be top, because of Parental Guidance, which was so funny I laughed until I couldn't breathe, and my family and best friend and her family just watched me! It was scary... Johnny English is also a good movie, but I have a thing for Rowan Atkinson. He is quite clearly a genius, because it takes a lot of practice to act that stupid.**


	8. Hedgehog mode

**Being the idiot that I am, I forgot this last uupdate. This chapter is dedicated to my awesome sort-of-cousin Lottie. Happy birthday!**

 **Hedgehog mode**

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I prayed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hopes apart

And they turn your dreams to shame

Still I dream he'd come to me

And we would live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Bianca's POV

I was afraid. I was scared of the fairy girl, and the way she was staring at me like there was something wrong, bit she couldn't quite work out what. I was scared that the giant was going to come back and eat us, like in the stories the older girls had told around the campfire. I was scared that I would break my promise and never get back home to Nico. Most of all, I was terrified by the man who may or may not be a vampire.

The way he looked at me... it was as if he knew me well, but something had got in the way. From the expression he wore, it was clearly nothing good, which didn't bode well for my future.

I curled up, trying to channel my "inner hedgehog", as Phoebe called it. It was something she was good at, so good that I wasn't quite sure that she could stop, and channel something more peaceable, like her inner rabbit. Although Phoebe's inner rabbit would probably still be quite violent, like Bigwig or General Woundwort from Watership Down.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, inner hedgehog. So I was lying there, hedgehog girl, with two knives up my sleeves, waiting for the vampire to attack, when he starts to interrogate me.

"Do you remember your name?" OK, that was wierd. Of course I knew my name! Maybe I have a sister he's mistaking me for, that would be cool! An identical twin!

"Bianca diAngelo, Hunter, Cabin... Sorry, my cabin's nonexistent, so I'll go with 11. Daughter of Hades."

The two exchanged a look that clearly said, "she's gone _crazy."_ Fortunately, Nico didn't try to brain me this time. Although, if he was here, he probably would.

"What do you mean by hunter?" The girl, who I nicknamed Tinkerbell, was trying to avoid my lunacy for the time being, which was wierd because she'd already admitted to being some sort of fairy, if I remembered correctly.

"I'm one of the Hunters of Artemis." That should do it.

"Artemis the Greek goddess, or this idiot over here?"

She seemed to understand what I was talking about, as a look of understanding passed over her face, but the scary vampire didn't. He was still looking at me the way River Song looks at the Doctor, which got really annoying after a while.

 _"Excuse me!_ I have the highest recorded human IQ in history, and I'm definitely smarter than Foaly and Opal!"

"You thought she had a dodgy mind-wipe, _genius!_ She's proved that it wasn't, and I think something has seriously messed up the timeline."

"Explain then." The vampire looked grumpy. Hopefully he wouldn't turn on us, but there was a glint in his eyes that reminded me of my cabinmates.

"I have a feeling that we're related. Bianca, I'm your cousin either six times removed or eight times removed. You won't remember me though, unless... How old are you?"

"She's clearly eight. We've been over this already, let's concentrate on the Plan!"

In a voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm so thick, you could smell it, Tinkerbell tried to point out the flaw in Scary Vampire's plan. "Which you have _obviously_ already told your girlfriend about. "

Scary Vampire seemed very annoyed by this, but he switched to another language and I was in Hedgehog Mode (foetal position, but arms protecting head, knives in hands), so I couldn't see. I uncurled. If anyone was going to try to kill me, it would be the giant, who from what I could hear wasn't anywhere nearby.

I admit that my next action was to scream, but I ask you, wouldn't anyone scream if the first thing you saw upon opening your eyes was _him?_

"Are you trying to deafen us 'Yanca, or are you part siren?" grumbled Tinkerbell.

"Sorry," I muttered sheepishly. That man was scary. Why was he so close, though?

I ignored the headache I felt developing for the time being and looked around. We were lying in a cramped metal box, like a double coffin, with soft blue lights set overhead (I wasn't going to go as far as to call that a celing, there wasn't room to swing a cat in here).

Speaking of cats...

"Anyway, are you planning on spending the rest of your lives in a metal coffin, or do you want to get out of here?"

Tinkerbell's expression worsened, and she looked as if she was going to vomit, but Scary Vampire sighed.

"We have already been over this. There is no way of opening this boot without a key. From the inside, anyway. "

"What if I told you there was a way?"

Tinkerbell groaned. "Please don't tell me the Cabin Niners persuaded you to bring a flamethrower! "

"Not quite." I could feel the evil smirk spreading as I threw her a metallic red box...

 **A/n: soooooo, that's that. I know I'm a horrible person, but I'm really sorry.**

 **I don't own I dreamed a dream.**

 **This chapter was written wandering around multiple shops looking for ppizza, if I forgot something please let me know.**

 **Guest: I'm not sure how to respond to that, it seemed a bit Hulkified but I wasn't sure about the emotion. I'm hoping these three helped. I would've replied earlier, but my phone either did an ash and got a Virus (sob sob) or did a Meghan and got Glitch (I like Glitch. He's cool, but not in my phone. I prefer him doing a Princess Lia impression "help us Meghan Chase, you are our only hope!").**

 **Sorry, maybe too many Iron Fey references, but Iron Warrior comes out Tuesday! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D**

 **Thanks to Yellow Grape for following (c:**

 **Because I've been away from the update button, here's a teaser for the fic.**

"So, plan. We have 48 hours to find and retrieve a monkey's uncle, or life as we know it gets it."

"Why should I trust you? I still don't know if you want to kiss me or suck my blood while I scream in agony, slowly becoming a shriveled up husk!"

"Don't get me started on the hat, you do _not_ want to touch the hat!"

 _Hissssssssssssssssssssssssss_

""I'm gonna change you, like a remix, then I'll" what? It's catchy! "

"How did you manage to corrupt her, 'Yanca's the most intelligent person I know!"

 _"Meeep!"_

"A vampire, a clone, a lemur and I'm not even going to guess _what_ that is, need my help to rescue... What was the plan again? "

"Fear the almighty Blobbo! Fear me! _Fear_ me!"

"Would it be too much to ask for my friends to stop killing me?"

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Artemis Fowl?"

"I told you!"


End file.
